PAGE, I FORGOT AGAIN, SORRY

One day I dropped off one of Amy's friends at home I saw it! FOR RENT a house with a yard for me and the kids. We moved it a little less then a month later. Little Michael played outside and David and Fawn crawled all over inside. The big girls could walk to school now and ride their bikes on the sidewalk. Dad Mike had a garage to tinker in. The bedrooms were big enough to fit the kids and no crib in our room. Everyone was doing great. Little Michael was going on visits good and was talking. David had calmed down to be able to enjoy the others around him. Fawn was still having a real hard time with her visits, but we all made up for the trauma she had to deal with. WE were having allot of trouble understanding Fawn's worker. He wasn't seeing Fawns condition after visits as we were. He didn't seem to be having any problems with working towards Fawn return to the natural mother. Fawn's mother had, had a number of different men in her life the past year at the time. These were abusive men, and mom didn't show any kind of concern. She was still fighting the things the system had planned for her to do. She had become pregnant again; this would be her fourth child. She had two boys in California who were being severed. The worker before this one, planed to take this new baby away from her also. This new worker didn't see thing the way everyone else involved saw them. No one could understand where he was coming from, or what his thinking was on this case. He planned to return Fawn to her mother. His reasons were mom was minimally adequate to care for her. The mom gave birth to a little girl. She named her Mandy. We all had real concerns about Mandy, was she being cared for? At this point Fawn was going for allot of visits with mom. Concerns would come up about Fawn's care while at mom's to visits. The worker would only respond to our concerns with,” Well nobody is perfect and she is the mom.” Our hearts were being ripped apart. This baby was showing very serious reactions after visits. Nightmares, diarrhea, fits of rage, hiding not to go for visits, clinging to me all day and night. She ended up sleeping in our bed for the most part at this time. But who were we? We were just foster parents. We didn't matter. We were told we were too involved in this child. Well yes we were too involved with this child, when a child you have learned to love screams, "No I don't wanta go." you get real involved. She was now going for visits three times a week. We hurt just as bad as Fawn as she felt having to go. I thought of this little girl we had come to love as much as our own girls. Going back to live with a mom who never hugged or held her. She never kissed her, or even talked to her. She had so many different men in her life we lost count. She talked about putting Fawn in day care when she returned home. We already knew that Mandy was in daycare for twelve hours a day. The workers were calling Fawn's worker complaining about the time she spent there. The only concern this mother seemed to have was, how much more welfare she could collect. She was already stating how much more food stamps she would be receiving when Fawn returned. At one of the visits Fawn and Mandy were left in mom's trailer alone, while mom had gone to do laundry. Her furnace was broken so she had an electric heater sitting on the floor. Fawn and Mandy were sitting right by it. It was red hot. The supervising worker told the worker, but nothing was done about it. We just didn't know where to turn with our concerns. So on Fawns second birthday we bought every family and friend a pink balloon. We put Fawn's name on all of them. We went out into the front yard and we all let them go into the sky. We said," Lord we have to let go of this one. We turn her over to you. Watch over Fawn, and do what is best for her." We love her enough to just trust in you, Not knowing what would happen to her. I did have a weird feeling in the pit of my heart, Fawn would not be going anywhere, God knew we loved her,, right?
It was around this time when little Michael's mom was doing real well. She had another baby. She named him Adrian. She was keeping all of her visit appointments; she was seeing her kids regularly. I had sent some baby things to her through one of the workers. I had also sent her our phone number, this was so she could call and talk to me about Michael. The worker was now planning to return Michael as soon as mom got on her feet with housing. We talked on the phone pretty regular, I was finding out she was a lost child her self, she was in fostercare when she was younger and her birth mother had agreed to allow her teacher to adopt her.Sad her children were living the same life. She was finely trying to get her life together; I was impressed with her will. She wasn't the God-awful mom I had once thought she was. I was encouraged with her fighting spirit. Between the two of us, little Michael had double the love he needed. I think what really helped me was Lisa never seemed to resent my loving and caring for Michael. Then the worst thing happened to her, her mother was throwing her out of her house. Her and her sister, who just had a baby also. Were being thrown into the streets because mom decided she didn't want them there any longer. Nice lady. So when I heard Lisa was street bound my heart just sank. This girl has been giving everything she has to get her children back into her care, now this. My first reaction was, just go over and get her, and bring her home. Yeah. Then I thought. Dad Michael didn't even like our own family to stay with us, while visiting. So me, being the kind of person I am. The kind of person who doesn't know the meaning of the word no. I called Michael at work and told him about Lisa's situation. His first reply was,” what, you want to move her in with us?" I said, "Ya know my heart says yes, but my head say's no way." He then said the wrong thing to me, the person I am, "can we do that?" Well that's all I needed to set my gears going. My quick reply was,” I’ll find out and call you back."