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I was determined to learn how to fix this one. I couldn't stand to relive another child leaving. Until he started swinging at the baby, then throwing things at her. Mark was teaching Michael how to pry off the plastic covers off the outlets. He then was telling him to put things in them. I couldn't take the chance that he would end up really hurting Michael. I called the worker, she arranged for Mark to join Mandy in the home that could help the both of them. He was following in the girl’s behavior pattern. I strongly believe God put Mark and Mandy in our home for us to learn from. What we learned was, No we couldn't fix every child. Sometimes hugs and kisses aren't enough. You have limits, you are humane. Do the best job with what you know best, love, hugs, kisses. It hurt allot and we walked around with a hole in our hearts for a long time after Mandy left. Hoping at the same time, they did take some of our love with them and were hanging on to it. We still think of, them often and wonder how they are doing. What I did do though was to get David use to a certain special blanket and a pacifier. I really believe it soothed the both of us. Also what I found myself doing was giving the extra David couldn't handle at the time, to little Michael and Fawn. This helped them too. It made up to Michael for the nothing he was use to, and it was repairing the trauma Fawn was dealing with because of visits
At night David would cry a cry that sounded more like a scream. It seemed at times to be all night long. I would wrap him in his blankly, holding him firm in my lap and rock very slowly. Until he would finely seem to collapse from the exhaust, then I would just sit and cry for him. I remember thinking,” how long can this last?" I also remember getting upset with his crying. While walking back to his crib to just "shut him up", I would hear God say to me. Can he help it? Is this his fault? Only to reach his crib in tears and give him his blanket and pacifier again. I’d touch his cheek and say, "No Lord, and I do love him.” Live just seemed to go on. One day ran into another. Changing diapers, playing, holding, and cleaning as much as I could around the house. Washing clothes, cooking, trying to listen as the older girls told me about their day. Trying to have time for dad Mike when he came home from work. Sometimes I wonder. If any of us had walked out and left, would anyone notice? We had three babies in highchairs, three in cloth diapers, two drinking formula and eating baby food. When I went for food the cashiers just shook their heads. I'd have over one hundred jars of baby food, to last for two weeks. David seemed to start getting use to the noise. He couldn't handle all of it but he could tolerate more than before. He was even sleeping through the night better. Things were still cramped in our little townhouse. I remember praying Lord my children need a yard to play in, more space to live in. Little Michael loved to play outside, but he couldn't until the big girls came home from school. All we had was a patio that had many weeds and junk in.