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I read a lot of books, and watched a lot of TV. Shows. Looking for something to help Mandy through her troubles. Nothing seemed to help. She seemed to slowly slip into her own little world. She seemed to want us all to just disappear. It seemed that if we even looked at her it set her off into a rage. Her smile left, she even stopped crying. Nothing I tried could penetrate her wall she built around herself. I'm not sure if her worker just didn't care or if she truly didn't have enough time to find Mandy an appropriate home that could help her. What I did know was, this little girl was wearing me down fast. All the hugs and tears I was able to give her just wasn't enough. She needed help, and I didn't know how to do it. The guilt was overwhelming for me. Until one day I realized what I was doing was making things worse for her in not being able to make things better. She was ready to deal with all the horrible things she had seen in her life. That was the one thing I could not do for her. I had to let go of my pride, and send her back to the crisis center if that's all they had open for her. The one thing I knew for sure was, there she would be evaluated. I called the worker and told her she had until that Friday to come and get Mandy from our home. Her problems were wearing down everyone in the house. It was the hardest thing I had ever had to do. Turn away a child I had vowed to care for and love. But it would be better for all involved.
By that Friday the worker found a home for Mandy to go to. This home had experience and knew how to deal with Mandy's problems. I didn't know a person could feel two complete emotions at the same time. Until that day, I felt relief and pain all at the same time. Maybe now we could have a calm home and help the ones we knew how to help, with hugs and love. I thought Mandy will be able to get the help she is needing yet at the same time I felt broken. I had come to love this little girl. No matter how messed up she was. She was just a child. . One who had been dealt a real bad hand of cards. She didn't deserve this. No child deserves this. Mark had picked up a lot of Mandy's behaviors when she was at her worst. I wondered how he would react to Mandy's leaving. The time came for her to pull away in the workers car, I cried, I questioned was I doing the right thing. Mark seemed to not be bothered at all. For about a month after Mandy left Mark just seemed to blossom. He was bonding more and becoming quite a good little boy.
Two weeks after Mandy left I got another call. This time they had a real baby, She was five weeks old. Her name was Fawn. She was a beautiful little baby. We all just fell in love with her, we had a feeling this baby was something special. She had been taken at birth, in the hospital. Her mother was mentally unstable. Fawn had been placed in a foster home before ours. The foster mom had hurt her back, and could not care for the children in her home. She was in a Christian home, and we felt God chose us to care for her. Mark and Michael just loved her too. They didn't mind sharing mom; they played together all the time now. Michael was talking pretty well. He could say three and four word sentences. He was running now. Neither one of the boys had been going for visits with their mothers. Marks mom just left town, Michaels didn't seem to have time. Fawn on the other hand went once a week to see her mom. She was a very good baby; she slept a lot during the day, and slept all night. Then Mark started visits with his sisters. BOY, what a change in his behavior. He started hitting on Michael and teasing him. He started stuffing his mouth with food when eating, causing him to choke. He was breaking toys, waking at night and wetting his pants. It seemed that he was having the same behavior Mandy had before she left. I was trying to maintain again