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The only time Mark seemed to need me was if the girls weren't around, or if he got hurt. Then even I was only allowed to touch him with short time periods. . I could never pick him up to love on him. He couldn't handle the closeness. I was not use to this reaction and I wasn't sure how to handle it. How was I going to teach this child that touch and gentleness was ok, and it's nice to cuddle. He seemed to except things only on his terms and at a very slow pace for him to be able to handle it. He started calling "MAMA", when I would answer what, he would just smile at me. This went on for a few days. He would try to get himself what he might need or want from the kitchen, he didn't need me to do it for him. It took a while for him to request things from me. I wasn't allowed to put on his clothes or even tie his shoes; they would go untied all day. He at times wouldn't take a cookie from my hand; I would have to set it on the table. Then he would walk over and pick it up, staring at me the whole time. I found it real hard to except this little boy was so independent, and he didn't seem to need me for anything. But in time he started getting closer to me, and allowing me to do things for him. He had to learn trust, and he needed to learn that all people don't always hurt you. I later found out that Mark and the girls had spent the better part of their lives in the crisis center, When their mom would drop them off for as long of a time she was permitted before the center contacted C.P.S. The very short times they were with mom it was spent in terror. Mom would have a different boyfriend each time she would go to pick them up from the center. Mom and the boyfriend were doing drugs and living in motels. The boyfriend were abusive to mom and the children, mom was abusive to them also. Not knowing how to parent and wanting to keep the only boyfriend she thought she deserved left the children in a not good place. Stories that came from the two girls
Was breath taking? They were telling stories of boyfriends beating on mom, and them hiding in closets, being chased out of the room into the dark and scary streets. They went hungry and saw a lot of policemen. The last motel they lived in, mom was thrown through a big window, and this landed the children once again in the crisis center. They started to feel safer in the center then with their own mom. They did get to sleep through the night and they got to eat. Not so bad for what else they had to look forward to. This to explained to me the reason why Mark was so grown up for his age. He didn't need a mom because he never really had one. Or the one he had was not protecting him from any harm. So my next task was how to teach this child how to be a child. I had talked to some people who had experience with children from this type of background. It was suggested to me, that I allow Mark to start all over. This meant to let him be a baby again, or at least help him be a baby and slowly grow up. Regression, this is what they called it.