Please if you do not read this all read the essay on the side.
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It was a cool morning; my level of anxiety was running high. I was driving to the Crises Center to pick up a child named Mark. I wasn't sure where this place was, or what it might be like. I found it and took a long deep breath before opening the door. O.K. Lord, here we go. I walked in and was greeted by a woman, I told her I was to meet a worker for a child and yes, and I would wait.
Sitting there, the last few months ran across my brain. All the hard emotional turmoil was over, I thought. Learning about these children and where they come from, how to help them through their trauma's. This task seemed so easy to me. The hardest part for me was, would they, the agency except me to be a Foster Mom.
My background was not pretty, and I had to drudge through it again and again. Yes I was abused, both sexually and physically. Yes I was well aware of the statistics of victims becoming abusers. Yes I had, had a number of years in counseling. I was already raising two children of my own, who were doing just fine. I had a loving husband who knew and understood all of this. At times I felt like a victim all over again. But they would not break me and send me running out the door saying forget it I can't do this.
Being a foster parent had been in my heart for too many years, to run away now. I lived through all my past once, I could walk through it again. After all it was for all the children who were living my life over and more. I had to stay in.
So now I sit and think what will this child look like? What could have possibly happen to him in his 22 months of life? A voice broke my thoughts, thank God.” Would you like to come and see the children?" My heart raced. "Yes, I would", I replied quickly. I peeked my head over the half door leading into the playroom. My heart sunk, OH GOD, look at these babies. They're so tiny and frail. This was what they called the toddler room. . Some of these children had red chapped cheeks. Some had runny noses. Some had shirts riding up their bellies and pants almost up to their knees. I can still remember one very tiny frail skinny little girl. Her hair was almost to her shoulders, but very thin. I stepped one leg into the room and it was covered by arms wrapped around it. This one very sad face, with a runny nose, could only squeeze through all the others and raise her little arms up for me to pick her up. My heart just broke, as tears came to my eyes. Without hesitating I bent over and picked up this little featherweight. She garbed my neck like she was about to be eaten by wolves. My thoughts were, "OH LORD, WHY, why isn't she the one I'd be taking home with me?" I fought my way over to the chair sitting across the room. Trying to sit so I didn't fall over from all the children. The instant I hit the chair, I was covered with the kids. They were climbing on me,
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while fighting off the others. Trying to be sure I gave everyone of them a chance to sit on my lap. Looking into their eyes, I was overwhelmed; I just had to leave the room. Thinking LORD who does these babies belongs to? Where are their mommies? They should all have mommies that love them, and kiss them, and smother them with hugs. As I left the room all I could hear was a roar of crying, because I had left them behind. I told the woman I was sorry for causing them all to cry. To keep my sanity I knew I could never go into that room again. I knew I couldn't break those kids hearts again. I just couldn't take them all home; Lord knows I wished I could have.
For the next few minutes I just sat in the lobby and tried to catch my breath. Slow deep breaths will calm my heart, I kept thinking.
The door that led out opened and a woman walked in, this is it I thought, and she introduced her self as Mark's worker. She them asked me if I would like to meet Mark? The next thing she said put chills down my back, she said " do you want to check him out before you decide to take him home." What was he a puppy in a pet store window? I thought. I had made a vow to GOD, whatever call I got for children, I would love and care for them. I'd never turn any of them away. This would be the first child the Lord has for me to care for and enjoy. I just wanted to see him and get out of there.
The worker went back into the room that housed all those children that had just climbed all over me and begged me to take them home. Then she came out with this beautiful red-cheeked fat face, he had big brown eyes and blond hair. A little ball of energy I thought, Lord what could this one need from me? The others were so tiny and worse off looking, what about that one little girl with the runny nose? Well I guess you've chosen Mark, I guess I'll find out why soon enough. He seemed so grown up; he just walked around without fear of anything. The worker said before we take Mark away, she wanted to let his sisters know he was leaving and say well by. Sisters? There are sisters?
The worker sent for the girls, this way they could be assured that Mark would be all right. They would at least have some kind of idea of whom he was leaving with. In walked these two little girls one with blond hair the other had red small curls. Mandy was three almost four, she was the blond one and the red head was the older sister Dianna she was five. Dianna took over the role of mommy to her two younger siblings. She was sure to have them obey in the room and fixing their hair out of their eyes. The worker told Dianna that Mark was going to come live at my house for a while, until their mom got things together. The only response Dianna had was for Mark, it was for him to be sure he was a good boy, and then she started to cry. I told her that I would take very good care of her baby brother and love him almost as much as she did. Then I ask if I could take some pictures of the three of them? I had taken a Polaroid camera with me, thinking I would record the happy first moment that we got our first child to bring into our home. I had no idea that I would be recording the very first sad moment in the many to come. I took several pictures of the three of them; I left some with Dianna so she could have pictures of her own. She needed something to hang on to I was taking a piece of her away.
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My heart was breaking in half, what have these children gone through? I took the others with me to show the others at home what Marks sisters looked like. It was time to go, Dianna started to cry, and it broke my heart they were all each other had. I told her I would bring Mark back to visit them, I had ask the worker if the girls were going into homes soon she wasn't sure. I assured them I would make sure that they saw Mark often. Mark very willingly climbed into the car seat in the back. I fastened the buckle. He never shed a tear. He didn't show any fear, here I was a complete stranger and he was just going along for the ride.
It was real hard for me to leave the girls behind. I was told they had a lot of emotional problems. Mark needed to be allowed to be on his own. From the very beginning I could tell Mark he'd no need for a "MOM". He just went on about his way, meeting his own needs as best as he could. When we got home Mark walked in the door checking everything out. It seemed as if he was looking for where things were in case he might need something. It was almost time for our own two girls to come home from school on the bus. Amy at the time was nine and Dawn was seven. When I heard the bus pulling up I took Mark outside to meet them. The just thought Mark was the cutest thing. They couldn't understand why he wasn't real cuddly though. The first thing that they wanted to do was hold him. Mark seemed to adjust to the girls real fast. He followed them all over the house. Amy would read to him, and he loved it. Dawn would play with the little cars with him, crawling around on the floor; he made himself at home real easy. When my husband came home from, Mark seemed to be uneasy around him. Mike thought that Mark was just the cutest thing, and was impressed with how smart he seemed. Mark would only stand back and stare at Mike, not making any attempt to get near him. He would pull away if Mike tried to touch or hold him. After a couple of days Mark seemed to be warming up to Mike, he would slowly hand things to him then hurriedly step back to stare at him some more. What could possibly be going through this baby’s mind I'd think? What have the men in this child=s life done to make him so afraid?PAGE 4,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
The only time Mark seemed to need me was if the girls weren't around, or if he got hurt. Then even I was only allowed to touch him with short time periods. . I could never pick him up to love on him. He couldn't handle the closeness. I was not use to this reaction and I wasn't sure how to handle it. How was I going to teach this child that touch and gentleness was ok, and it's nice to cuddle. He seemed to except things only on his terms and at a very slow pace for him to be able to handle it. He started calling "MAMA", when I would answer what, he would just smile at me. This went on for a few days. He would try to get himself what he might need or want from the kitchen, he didn't need me to do it for him. It took a while for him to request things from me. I wasn't allowed to put on his clothes or even tie his shoes; they would go untied all day. He at times wouldn't take a cookie from my hand; I would have to set it on the table. Then he would walk over and pick it up, staring at me the whole time. I found it real hard to except this little boy was so independent, and he didn't seem to need me for anything. But in time he started getting closer to me, and allowing me to do things for him. He had to learn trust, and he needed to learn that all people don't always hurt you. I later found out that Mark and the girls had spent the better part of their lives in the crisis center, When their mom would drop them off for as long of a time she was permitted before the center contacted C.P.S. The very short times they were with mom it was spent in terror. Mom would have a different boyfriend each time she would go to pick them up from the center. Mom and the boyfriend were doing drugs and living in motels. The boyfriend were abusive to mom and the children, mom was abusive to them also. Not knowing how to parent and wanting to keep the only boyfriend she thought she deserved left the children in a not good place. Stories that came from the two girls
Was breath taking? They were telling stories of boyfriends beating on mom, and them hiding in closets, being chased out of the room into the dark and scary streets. They went hungry and saw a lot of policemen. The last motel they lived in, mom was thrown through a big window, and this landed the children once again in the crisis center. They started to feel safer in the center then with their own mom. They did get to sleep through the night and they got to eat. Not so bad for what else they had to look forward to. This to explained to me the reason why Mark was so grown up for his age. He didn't need a mom because he never really had one. Or the one he had was not protecting him from any harm. So my next task was how to teach this child how to be a child. I had talked to some people who had experience with children from this type of background. It was suggested to me, that I allow Mark to start all over. This meant to let him be a baby again, or at least help him be a baby and slowly grow up. Regression, this
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So the first thing I needed to do was see if Mark still had infant instinct for a bottle. I took a small bottle of milk and sat it on a low table; I made sure he saw it. I then walked away from the area, still watching to note what he did next. Perfectly on cue Mark ran over and picked up the bottle, then hid under the table so as not to let me see he had it. I played blind. A job well done, I thought. OK now Mark my dear child we are ready for an adventure. I walked over to him and he cowered, thinking he was in trouble. I told him, "It's ok, you can have it." Come and sit on mommies lap and we'll rock in the chair." At first he refused to sit on my lap, so I kept telling him it was ok for him to have the bottle. He started to relax in my arms; once he did that we seemed to rock for hours. After a couple of days Mark and I had a very special time just rocking and talking and drinking his bottle. He was learning trust and closeness doesn't have to hurt. I was learning time pays off. It was during this time; Mark seemed to be warming up to Mike too. They became buddies, Mike would come home from work and him and Mark would sit and talk and play with little toys together. Mark was still pretty stubborn and not real warm to others, but he was coming around.
I was still worried about the girls. Dianna was showing more acting out at the center, the worker had kept me updated on them. They, the workers decided that Dianna needed to be placed in a home called a " therapy" foster home. This is a home with only one or two foster children and intense supervision. The parents in these homes knew how to deal with emotional problems these children had. They had said that Mandy the four year old wasn't acting out to the degree that Dianna was. She was going to be placed with a grandmother. My first thought was, there goes the contact between the children. I had taken Mark back to the crisis center for visits with the girls several times. I was becoming very attached to the girls as well as to Mark. I was concerned with where they would be going. I'm not real sure how it happened but the grandmother placement fell through. Mandy was moving into our home. All I knew was this little girl was messed up and needed a home and someone to try and love her. Could we handle this little girl? Did we know how to deal with her problems? Somebody had to do something for her. What's one little four-year girl going to do to our family? A question I should have worded differently. Could our family handle what this little four year old could dish out?
Mandy came into our home she seemed to be happy. Mark seemed to be happy she was there too. By the time Mandy came to stay with us, Mark had made many improvements in his bonding with us.
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He was depending on me as mommy to do for him, for everything. The first thing I noticed after Mandy moved in was, she tried to become the mommy that Dianna had been before he came to live with us. Mark was having a hard time with this; he had come to understand I was mommy. I sat Mandy down and explained to her that her or Dianna didn't need to be Marks mommy any longer. I would meet all his needs. I was hoping to be allowed to meat all her needs also if she would let me. This would be the first hard task that Mandy would need to try and understand. We would be coming across many things that would be a challenge for her.
The one thing we noticed about Mandy was, she loved Mike. She didn't just like to be by him, she had to be in his lap and always touching him.
She loved to all of us; it was like she was tying to make up for lost time. But with Mike she was very clingy with him. Mandy was coming up with some real bazaar stories. Not knowing what was real and what was fantasy we had to record all of the tales she told. We learned to listen to them all, hanging on to the ones she told over and over. She would talk about a fire and how their beds were gone now. She talked allot about the different uncles they had. She told about the things they would do. She was pretty intent that she didn't like someone named Tony; we later learned he was Mark's father. She also didn't like "cops" or "big black men", they were bad. "Cops take my mommy away, and black men hurt Dianna."
The first time Mandy got sick I was amazed. She had said nothing all day about having any pain, she had a fever but that was all I could see at the time. About two in the morning she laid crying in her bed, quietly. I had gone in to check on her and heard her, when I touched her ears she screamed. She never made any other complaint. I decided to take her straight to the hospital. They concluded that both of her eardrums were almost ready to burst. How could it get this bad I asked, she never said a word? I had told the doctor she was a foster child and gave some of her background. The only thing he could figure was, she was so use to being in pain and not seen many doctors. After a while she grew a very high tolerance to pain. After that experience we watched for any signs of illness closely. Mandy seemed to be settling into our family rapidly. She was becoming more comfortable with us. The honeymoon stage was coming to an end. This process would be explained to us later.
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After a couple of months with us, it seemed the more we tried to get close to Mandy, the more she fought us. Well not us so much as ME. Mike was always greeted at the door with a very loving little girl. It seemed that all of Mandy's anger was directed towards our older girls and myself. She would kick the girls and throw things at them. It seemed that anything she could think of, that would get them upset at her she would do it. She would even just sit and stare at them with a real hateful look on her face. This would drive the girls nuts. I would have to be the go-between for them all the time. The bigger girls couldn't understand this other wise cute little girl would want to cause so much disturbance. Whenever Mandy would be punished by being sent to her room for what ever she had done, she would throw everything on the floor. All the toys and books, even her clothes. Then she would scream,” I hate you, you ass hole." I often thought, "LOVING CHILD WE HAVE HERE." I with all my calmness tried to just ignore the things she was saying. Until Dawn asked, "Why does she get to say those words? We can't." That's when I realized that this child had to stop with this language. It was time to give her the same punishment our own children would and had gotten for such words. I got a bar of soap and explained to her I would put soap in her mouth if she talked like that again. It only took three or four times then I heard "I.I.hate you. YOU." then she shut her mouth, and got real quiet. I thought wow we have found something that gets this Childs attention. I wasn't sure if this would be the proper thing to do as far as her being a foster child. All I knew was it worked with my own children, even though she had a different back ground she was still just a child.
We were starting to notice some good things Mandy was doing too. We were noticing some good things in Mandy too. She was becoming aware of the things around her, like one day we were coming back from church and we heard a screech come from the backseat. "Dad look at that piece of paper in the sky." She was amazed to learn that was a kite and someone had a string at the other end. We went out and bought a kite that day to show her how it worked. She also learned that you need socks and an undershirt when it's cold outside. If you chew your food real good you won't choke. When you make a bed there are two sheets you can put on a bed, we only gave her one because she got confused with what to cover with. Mandy had even started to smile; she started to cry when she would hurt herself. She had come to a point where she would tell Mark, "Go tell mama." She was becoming a little girl. We thought she was making big break through. We were still having visits with Dianna on the weekends. She was even starting to accept discipline. Then it seemed all hell broke, they started up visits with mom. She hadn't been in contact with the worker until then so there were any visits. When the visits started it was like seeing mom brought back all the old memories. All the things that had happened that she kept hidden away had come back to haunt her. Now she wasn't only pointing her anger at the girls and me. She was mad at Mark too. The whole world made her mad. She started waking at night; she would kick Marks bed until he woke up. She started hitting the girls whenever they would try and walk past her; she was even hitting on the dog. She just couldn't hurt enough people. The anger she was feeling was just overpowering her will to do well. Mike even got to see some of her anger now. Here was a little girl who was completely out of control. I called the worker to let her know what was going on, and let her know I needed help. I had no idea how to deal with such an angry child. She set up some counseling for Mandy. The behavior that Mandy was having, was rubbing off on Mark too.
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This counselor was working with Dianna and her foster parents. He felt Mandy was having the same reactions from her life that Dianna was. The only difference was Dianna was far past the point that Mandy was at. Dianna was worse. He told me " the more red flags she throws up, the more help she needs". Things were to only get worse. And was I ready to deal with them. I had no idea how to handle this problem. But she is a child I needed to love her and help her through this, but could I? Time went by and things just got worse. I called the worker and told her I just couldn't handle Mandy. Her reply was "hang in there for a couple of days." Yeah right I have four kids in my home that at any given moment could kill each other. Well the couple of days extended into a couple of months.
I had come into doing foster care wanting to take care of babies, what was I doing with a four year old? A four year old who was disrupting my whole family beyond control. I kept trying to figure out thing that would help her through her anger.
Then I got a phone call about another child. His name was Michael. . Michael was seventeen months old, He was a Mexican child. His mother, who was on drugs, had neglected him. There were three other siblings, a brother Fabian who was three, and a set of twins who were two. Fabian was in the hospital, they were tying to stabilize his meds. He was hyperactive. The twins were in the same foster home. Michael had been in a Westside crisis center for a month already and needed to be moved into a home. Mom who was only nineteen was in pretty bad shape. She was into drugs and didn't care for her children. Michael was the worst off of the four. They had put him in a sits bath at the hospital for half an hour to loosen the fore skin around his little winky. All the children had head lice pretty bad; they had killed off the live lice and just needed to pick out the dead eggs. Would I be willing to take in Michael? Boy I had a lot going on right then, but the vow to God was never to turn away a child. Yes of coarse I would take in this child.
Well little Michael turned out to be my nerve saver, until Mandy left. His worker brought him to the house. I opened my front door, and all I saw was these two fat cheeks. He had a head full of black hair, and two big black eyes. The worker walked over and sat in my chair with Michael in her arms. He wasn't able to walk yet, even though he was seventeen months old. I went over and sat on the floor in front of the chair, Michael came right to me. I sat him on my lap and talked with the worker. A very nice young lady, her mane was Maryellen. We sat and talked about the case plan and about what this little guy had been through. She said he was a good eater and the center had fattened him up with rice and beans. The whole time we were talking Michael sat on my lap and just cuddled up in my arms. It came time for the worker to leave and she held out her arms to hold him and say well by. He started to cry and didn't want to go to her. She made the remark,” wow he's already started to bond with you. He’s going do just great, he can feel that he can trust you already." And he could trust me; my heart had already sucked in this kid. Michael weighed thirty-two pounds, could not walk, and would not let me put him down. When the girls came home from school I walked out to meet them with Michael glued to my hip. Amy held out her hands to hold him, all he could say was "UH_UA". For the rest of the day and evening, I carried little Michael all over. I even had to cook dinner holding him on my hip.
When night came Michael and I sat in the old rocker and rocked together. At this point I was almost glad Mark didn't enjoy rocking together any longer. I laid Michael in his crib after he fell asleep. The next morning everyone was up and running around, everyone except Michael. I snuck into his room and he was just laying there in his crib. Not crying to get up, not even talking to himself in his bed. I would later learn he was never taken out of his bed, he would spent all his time lying in his crib waiting for the older kids to bring him in something to eat. I got him up out of bed and put him in the highchair. He couldn't feed himself with the spoon so I fed him his breakfast. All the kids just loved him; he seemed to give the place a fresh break.
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Amy said that Michael looked like the little cookies called "teddy grams", so she nicknamed him that. Mark and Michael played pretty well together. Mandy seemed to get worse, the visits with mom continued. By the third day Michael was calling me mama, and using the furniture and walls to walk. He would get upset when the others went into rooms he couldn't get into fast enough. So I bought him a walker, this to him was cool. He ran after all the kids. He didn't want much to do with our dad though. Poor dad always pushed away. Michaels first visit with mom was scheduled. I decided that he needed me to take him. What a nightmare. I got to the office where the visit was going to take place. Mom came in with her sister and her mother. When I saw Michael’s mom, Lisa, I saw a very young girl. Her makeup was perfect; her nails were long and painted. Her hair was curly and perfect too. She was very thin, which made her look taller than she really was. She stepped to the back of the visiting room behind her mother who sat in the only chair. I sat on the floor with Michael on my lap. The twins played with the toys in the room and talked with mom. Grandma was giving all her attention to Fabian. Michael just sat on my lap hanging on for dear life and watched the others. Mom had brought some toys for the kids and was passing them out. Michael screamed when she reached toward him. I thought he would do better if I left the room, so I sat him on the floor in front of me. I gradually snuck away from him and moved out of the room. I didn't get too far before he started screaming” mama" and crawled out of the room towards me. I took him back into the room and explained he was having a rough time. Grandma made a nasty remark that stuck to my ears; she said something about Michael being spoiled and fat. This didn't set to well with me, but who was I to judge her. She then started talking to me like she thought I was the driver who had brought him to the visit. Lisa, Michaels mom told her mom,” Mom I think she is Michaels foster mom.” Then she looked at me and said, "Aren’t you?" I told her yes I was. The worker tried to explain Michael’s actions to mom and grandma. He had been through a hard time and had felt safe with me; this was a natural thing for him. Mom seemed to try to understand. Time was finely up, the visit was over, time to leave. Mom walked around and kissed everyone good-bye and walked out. She didn't kiss Michael. She never said a word to him. I thought "that's o.k. Michael I'll be your mommy."
Michael continued to settle into our family. Him and I got even closer. After about a month Michael started walking. He was talking more, and even getting closer to daddy. He was allowing dad to get close to him, even sitting next to him. This was a big move for Michael.
About this time I was starting to think,” God, what have I gotten myself into?” I had five children living in a three-bedroom townhouse. I was tying to make life glide smoothly for us all. We moved the kid’s bedrooms around several times, trying to figure out the right combination that worked for everyone to get along.
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I read a lot of books, and watched a lot of TV. Shows. Looking for something to help Mandy through her troubles. Nothing seemed to help. She seemed to slowly slip into her own little world. She seemed to want us all to just disappear. It seemed that if we even looked at her it set her off into a rage. Her smile left, she even stopped crying. Nothing I tried could penetrate her wall she built around herself. I'm not sure if her worker just didn't care or if she truly didn't have enough time to find Mandy an appropriate home that could help her. What I did know was, this little girl was wearing me down fast. All the hugs and tears I was able to give her just wasn't enough. She needed help, and I didn't know how to do it. The guilt was overwhelming for me. Until one day I realized what I was doing was making things worse for her in not being able to make things better. She was ready to deal with all the horrible things she had seen in her life. That was the one thing I could not do for her. I had to let go of my pride, and send her back to the crisis center if that's all they had open for her. The one thing I knew for sure was, there she would be evaluated. I called the worker and told her she had until that Friday to come and get Mandy from our home. Her problems were wearing down everyone in the house. It was the hardest thing I had ever had to do. Turn away a child I had vowed to care for and love. But it would be better for all involved.
By that Friday the worker found a home for Mandy to go to. This home had experience and knew how to deal with Mandy's problems. I didn't know a person could feel two complete emotions at the same time. Until that day, I felt relief and pain all at the same time. Maybe now we could have a calm home and help the ones we knew how to help, with hugs and love. I thought Mandy will be able to get the help she is needing yet at the same time I felt broken. I had come to love this little girl. No matter how messed up she was. She was just a child. . One who had been dealt a real bad hand of cards. She didn't deserve this. No child deserves this. Mark had picked up a lot of Mandy's behaviors when she was at her worst. I wondered how he would react to Mandy's leaving. The time came for her to pull away in the workers car, I cried, I questioned was I doing the right thing. Mark seemed to not be bothered at all. For about a month after Mandy left Mark just seemed to blossom. He was bonding more and becoming quite a good little boy.
Two weeks after Mandy left I got another call. This time they had a real baby, She was five weeks old. Her name was Fawn. She was a beautiful little baby. We all just fell in love with her, we had a feeling this baby was something special. She had been taken at birth, in the hospital. Her mother was mentally unstable. Fawn had been placed in a foster home before ours. The foster mom had hurt her back, and could not care for the children in her home. She was in a Christian home, and we felt God chose us to care for her. Mark and Michael just loved her too. They didn't mind sharing mom; they played together all the time now. Michael was talking pretty well. He could say three and four word sentences. He was running now. Neither one of the boys had been going for visits with their mothers. Marks mom just left town, Michaels didn't seem to have time. Fawn on the other hand went once a week to see her mom. She was a very good baby; she slept a lot during the day, and slept all night. Then Mark started visits with his sisters. BOY, what a change in his behavior. He started hitting on Michael and teasing him. He started stuffing his mouth with food when eating, causing him to choke. He was breaking toys, waking at night and wetting his pants. It seemed that he was having the same behavior Mandy had before she left. I was trying to maintain again
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I was determined to learn how to fix this one. I couldn't stand to relive another child leaving. Until he started swinging at the baby, then throwing things at her. Mark was teaching Michael how to pry off the plastic covers off the outlets. He then was telling him to put things in them. I couldn't take the chance that he would end up really hurting Michael. I called the worker, she arranged for Mark to join Mandy in the home that could help the both of them. He was following in the girl’s behavior pattern. I strongly believe God put Mark and Mandy in our home for us to learn from. What we learned was, No we couldn't fix every child. Sometimes hugs and kisses aren't enough. You have limits, you are humane. Do the best job with what you know best, love, hugs, kisses. It hurt allot and we walked around with a hole in our hearts for a long time after Mandy left. Hoping at the same time, they did take some of our love with them and were hanging on to it. We still think of, them often and wonder how they are doing. What I did do though was to get David use to a certain special blanket and a pacifier. I really believe it soothed the both of us. Also what I found myself doing was giving the extra David couldn't handle at the time, to little Michael and Fawn. This helped them too. It made up to Michael for the nothing he was use to, and it was repairing the trauma Fawn was dealing with because of visits
At night David would cry a cry that sounded more like a scream. It seemed at times to be all night long. I would wrap him in his blankly, holding him firm in my lap and rock very slowly. Until he would finely seem to collapse from the exhaust, then I would just sit and cry for him. I remember thinking,” how long can this last?" I also remember getting upset with his crying. While walking back to his crib to just "shut him up", I would hear God say to me. Can he help it? Is this his fault? Only to reach his crib in tears and give him his blanket and pacifier again. I’d touch his cheek and say, "No Lord, and I do love him.” Live just seemed to go on. One day ran into another. Changing diapers, playing, holding, and cleaning as much as I could around the house. Washing clothes, cooking, trying to listen as the older girls told me about their day. Trying to have time for dad Mike when he came home from work. Sometimes I wonder. If any of us had walked out and left, would anyone notice? We had three babies in highchairs, three in cloth diapers, two drinking formula and eating baby food. When I went for food the cashiers just shook their heads. I'd have over one hundred jars of baby food, to last for two weeks. David seemed to start getting use to the noise. He couldn't handle all of it but he could tolerate more than before. He was even sleeping through the night better. Things were still cramped in our little townhouse. I remember praying Lord my children need a yard to play in, more space to live in. Little Michael loved to play outside, but he couldn't until the big girls came home from school. All we had was a patio that had many weeds and junk in.
One day I dropped off one of Amy's friends at home I saw it! FOR RENT a house with a yard for me and the kids. We
moved it a little less then a month later. Little Michael played outside and David and Fawn crawled all over inside. The big girls could walk to school now and ride their bikes on the sidewalk. Dad Mike had a garage to tinker in. The bedrooms were big enough to fit the kids and no crib in our room. Everyone was doing great. Little Michael was going on visits good and was talking. David had calmed down to be able to enjoy the others around him. Fawn was still having a real hard time with her visits, but we all made up for the trauma she had to deal with. WE were having allot of trouble understanding Fawn's worker. He wasn't seeing Fawns condition after visits as we were. He didn't seem to be having any problems with working towards Fawn return to the natural mother. Fawn's mother had, had a number of different men in her life the past year at the time. These were abusive men, and mom didn't show any kind of concern. She was still fighting the things the system had planned for her to do. She had become pregnant again; this would be her fourth child. She had two boys in California who were being severed. The worker before this one, planed to take this new baby away from her also. This new worker didn't see thing the way everyone else involved saw them. No one could understand where he was coming from, or what his thinking was on this case. He planned to return Fawn to her mother. His reasons were mom was minimally adequate to care for her. The mom gave birth to a little girl. She named her Mandy. We all had real concerns about Mandy, was she being cared for? At this point Fawn was going for allot of visits with mom. Concerns would come up about Fawn's care while at mom's to visits. The worker would only respond to our concerns with,” Well nobody is perfect and she is the mom.” Our hearts were being ripped apart. This baby was showing very serious reactions after visits. Nightmares, diarrhea, fits of rage, hiding not to go for visits, clinging to me all day and night. She ended up sleeping in our bed for the most part at this time. But who were we? We were just foster parents. We didn't matter. We were told we were too involved in this child. Well yes we were too involved with this child, when a child you have learned to love screams, "No I don't wanta go." you get real involved. She was now going for visits three times a week. We hurt just as bad as Fawn as she felt having to go. I thought of this little girl we had come to love as much as our own girls. Going back to live with a mom who never hugged or held her. She never kissed her, or even talked to her. She had so many different men in her life we lost count. She talked about putting Fawn in day care when she returned home. We already knew that Mandy was in daycare for twelve hours a day. The workers were calling Fawn's worker complaining about the time she spent there. The only concern this mother seemed to have was, how much more welfare she could collect. She was already stating how much more food stamps she would be receiving when Fawn returned. At one of the visits Fawn and Mandy were left in mom's trailer alone, while mom had gone to do laundry. Her furnace was broken so she had an electric heater sitting on the floor. Fawn and Mandy were sitting right by it. It was red hot. The supervising worker told the worker, but nothing was done about it. We just didn't know where to turn with our concerns. So on Fawns second birthday we bought every family and friend a pink balloon. We put Fawn's name on all of them. We went out into the front yard and we all let them go into the sky. We said," Lord we have to let go of this one. We turn her over to you. Watch over Fawn, and do what is best for her." We love her enough to just trust in you, Not knowing what would happen to her. I did have a weird feeling in the pit of my heart, Fawn would not be going anywhere, God knew we loved her,, right?
It was around this time when little Michael's mom was doing real well. She had another baby. She named him Adrian. She was keeping all of her visit appointments; she was seeing her kids regularly. I had sent some baby things to her through one of the workers. I had also sent her our phone number, this was so she could call and talk to me about Michael. The worker was now planning to return Michael as soon as mom got on her feet with housing. We talked on the phone pretty regular, I was finding out she was a lost child her self, she was in fostercare when she was younger and her birth mother had agreed to allow her teacher to adopt her.Sad her children were living the same life. She was finely trying to get her life together; I was impressed with her will. She wasn't the God-awful mom I had once thought she was. I was encouraged with her fighting spirit. Between the two of us, little Michael had double the love he needed. I think what really helped me was Lisa never seemed to resent my loving and caring for Michael. Then the worst thing happened to her, her mother was throwing her out of her house. Her and her sister, who just had a baby also. Were being thrown into the streets because mom decided she didn't want them there any longer. Nice lady. So when I heard Lisa was street bound my heart just sank. This girl has been giving everything she has to get her children back into her care, now this. My first reaction was, just go over and get her, and bring her home. Yeah. Then I thought. Dad Michael didn't even like our own family to stay with us, while visiting. So me, being the kind of person I am. The kind of person who doesn't know the meaning of the word no. I called Michael at work and told him about Lisa's situation. His first reply was,” what, you want to move her in with us?" I said, "Ya know my heart says yes, but my head say's no way." He then said the wrong thing to me, the person I am, "can we do that?" Well that's all I needed to set my gears going. My quick reply was,” I’ll find out and call you back."
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David and Fawn had grown real close; they were only three months apart in age. They were like twins. They did everything together. They watched out for the other, to be sure they were o.k. David was having a hard time with Fawn's visits too. It was like he knew she didn't like going and he worried about her while she was gone. He would sit by the window and watch for her to come home. When she was brought back he would be the first one to meet her at the door. He was doing very well; his development was slower then Fawns. We contributed that to the slow start he had at birth, because of the drug addiction. His worker had me take him to a doctor to evaluate his development; he turned out to be about six to nine months behind. The worker told me I needed to take David in to the hospital for some blood work. I had no idea what the reason was until I got to the hospital. There they told me that David was to be screened for HIV virus. He was at high risk because mom was an IV drug user and she had been prostituting. My heart went out to him even more now, needless to say my anger at mom raised. They told me his tests came back just fine, but that there was a ten-year window for the virus. So I just looked at it as no big deal. This would not change the way I felt about him. David’s mom was still in and out of jail what seemed like every few months. In the times she was out she disappeared, David didn't have visits. When mom went back in jail, that's when she would call the worker and say she wanted to see her son. This was hard on David, going to a jail to see a woman he didn't remember any longer. David’s dad would pop up every once in a while too, requesting visits with David. The worker had to comply with giving him visits. Then David's mom announced she was pregnant again, seemed like this was the pattern for almost all the children in our home. I figure that when a child is taken away from these moms they just figure they will have another one to replace it. Back in jail again David's mom was getting visits, his dad had started to clean up his act somewhat. He started to do the tasks the worker planned for him. David was going for more regular visits. This set him into some of the reactions that the others were having. He was very clingy when he came home. Mom was the savior for all the little scared babies, and this caused the bond between us to get even stronger. I was starting to wonder if I was doing these babies more harm then good. I wasn't sure, the only thing I did know for sure was they needed me and I had to be there for them. Our girls had fallen in love with these three little kids in our home, just as much as we had. They would come home from school and the first thing they did was check on them and what they were doing. They treated them just like they were their own flesh and blood. The cool thing for them was to bring over their friends and show off their little brothers and sister. We were just like a regular family, just that some of our family had a little darker skin than the others.
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So it was time to check out my next adventure, Lisa coming to live with us. I first called her worker to ask if it had ever been done, a natural mother moving in with the foster parents. She said she never heard of such a case, but that would sure be almost perfect for little Michael. He would have a chance to bond with her, and at the same time she could learn some hands on parenting skills from us. The next thing I had to do was call our worker, she would know. She knew all the rules of the system. I told her what we were thinking of doing and she couldn't believe it. She thought we were nuts, but she already knew we were. She told me to give her a little time to figure out how to do this. The only next question would be, would Lisa go for the arrangement we were planning. Would she want anything to do with it? I couldn't call her and let her know what we were thinking until we were sure we could do it. I had been keeping Mike updated through out the day. Neither of us could believe what we were about to do. We were looking at bringing into our private home a girl who was the reason why we had her child. Let her move into our home and be a part of our family, a strange person, just move in. Yes we thought we were nuts, we had lost our minds due to the stress we had been in for the last two years. That was it, we knew it, and we had lost our minds.
Our worker called us back and told us there was no other case in the systems history where a natural mother moved in with a foster family. So if we still wanted to do this we would have to be very careful and write up a new plan. We could move her in on a temporary bases. She already had been checked out by the system as her case plan of returning the children. How could we do this? Her worker would keep a close watch on the home and our worker would make more visits to monitor the situation. Yes we could do this. The last question, would Lisa go for this? I called her at her moms and told her about our offer. I can't really remember what her response was at the time. All I do know was we planed to make this slow for little Michael. She took the bus to a stop closer to our house; I went and picked her up. This would be the first time little Michael would see us together in a long time. He seemed to handle it pretty well. He just kept looking back and forth between us. I was MAMA and Lisa was MAMA LISA to him. She stayed a couple of hours and I took he home. By was I in for a shock; I couldn't believe the house she was staying in. What a hole in the wall, and in a nationhood that I had never seem other then on TV. I cried all the way home. She came over a couple more times before she moved in. Little Michael was in seventh heaven. He had two mommies. Everything that she owned was brought into our house in one or two boxes. Adrian was at the time three months old. Our girl just loved him. They liked Lisa too. She was like the cool age; mom and dad were old fogies. Amy spent the most time with her because she was older, and more into the music Lisa listened to. Dad Mike was nervous about having another big person in our home, but he was in total agreement that we needed to help her out. I'll never forget the first night Lisa was with us. We had put her up in little Michael’s room, her Michael and Adrian. It was time for bed. It was time to put Michael to bed, but this night would be different. This night I would hand Michael over to his real mother.
I found the note I wrote that night, it says: We got Lisa moved in today. Michael seems to be dealing pretty good with it.
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He is real silly with Lisa, yet still comes to me for things. It was really weird and kind of hard when I went to put Michael in bed tonight. For so long I’ve been the one to last kiss him and lay him in bed. Only tonight I was met at the door and handed him over for Lisa to be the last one to kiss him. I keep telling myself, it's O.K. and neat, she is his mommy. She must be feeling really weird herself, being able to kiss him goodnight. My emotions are real torn right now, but I'll just ride it out. Let go and let God Huh? These are the notes I wrote for the next couple of days. Yesterday, Lisa and I went shopping. I really enjoyed myself. I think she did too. Lisa didn't give Michael his pop until after he said please. She would tell him,” no" with ease. Today Michael was warmer to Lisa being here, he even called her mom a couple of times. It was neat. Yet it was scary and weird. My emotions are flip, flopping again. He tried playing Lisa against me tonight, with a drink. She said,” didn’t mama say no?” pointing to me. When he then threw the crayons, she took them away. Lisa told me of her hurt over Michaels Rocking in bed. I hurt with her; I wish I could help her hurt. I guess that's just another thing she needs to face, and forgive herself for. It's almost like were joined together through Michael, and our love for him. I just hope she feels as comfortable with us.
Today was our first day with both of us staying home all day. It was pretty neat. There was time spent together and time spent alone. Lisa showed me how to fix tacos with out browning the meat first, and Mexican rice. I hope I'm not seeing or doing the one sided thing again. I don't think I am. I think she likes me too. Everything seems to be like a partnership. Who ever do what ever? Dad Michael seems to be starting to relax more now too. The girls love Lisa and the baby here. Lisa has surprised them both.
Lisa and I got along real good; it was like we had been friends for a long time. Little Michael at first called me mama and Lisa mama Lisa, then we were both mama. After he got more bonded to Lisa, at it was becoming operant that it was time for her to move on, I became mama Jaye and she was mama. We had Lisa living with us about three months. This seemed just enough time for her to get on her feet. She learned silly things that meant so much to her like, where the glasses go in a cupboard, what way the toilet paper went on the roll. Things that taught me the reason her children ended up in the condition they were. She her self had never been taught the simpelist things of life. We got her set up in an apartment close by us, in case she had any needs. The older kids started their visits in her new apartment, as we were getting her all the things she needed. It was fun getting her set up, but she was real scared. I think she didn't have enough confidence in her self, so it was good that we were still so close. She did great, our two older girls went to her over to her house often. She was their mentor as well as their friend. Her other children were returned to her care and we still keep in close contact with her. She has had another child, in number six, and she has married a fine young man who loves her children as his own. They all are a part of our every day life.
Lisa was dong real good she got back the rest of her children while she was living in that apartment. One by one they were returned to her care. She did great. She then started a new relationship with Michaels father. After a short time she became pregnant again. It was around that time that she finely qualified for government housing. She and all 5 kids moved in there, we stuck behind her all the way. It seemed kind of funny because when she became pregnant she was scared to death to tell us, like we were her parents. She thought we would be disappointed in her, but we stood by her. She gave birth to a baby boy and named him Junior. Getting back on her feet she then met a young man who took to her children just like they were his own. They got married about a year after they met. Little Michael still came to spent some weekends with us. We had bought a house in Phoenix and eventually after renting the house to Lisa and Tommy we turned it over to them. Lisa went back to school and earned a degree to put her working in the same C.P.S. office, that she once stood on the outside of the counter. We have fallen off with contact but do and always think of them as our extended family.
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After Lisa moved out, things seemed to settle down a bit. We had David and Fawn. David’s family was stepping up and involving themselves in his life. The agency called again and asks us if we would consider taking in twin boys. Of course we said yes. Tommy and Vince were just as cute as could be; they were as different as night and day. Tommy was blond with blue eyes with a sweet calmer demeanor and Vince had darker hair with big black eyes, he was high strung. They were born with “FETAL ALCOHOL syndrome”. This is caused by the mother drank through her pregnancy. This was the first time we had ever heard of and seen for our own eyes something like this. These two boys were a handful. Vince was the more extreme of the two. He would go into shaking screaming raging fits, he would loose control at the drop of a hat. Tommy was as I said much calmer, more touchy, feely. You could hug and kiss him with no problem. I thought once again”Lord what have I gotten us into”? When I contacted the worker to have the boys evaluated she kept putting it off. The only relief she was seeming willing to give me was a 24-hour babysitter, “TO GIVE YOU A BREAK.” I did not need a break, these children needed help. We stuck in there as long as we could, until I finely told her that we could no longer keep the two boys together, they needed to be separated in order for Tommy to have a chance to thrive and flourish. The worker refused to even think about our proposal. I was left with no other choice but to call her after several attempts and tell her she had until 5:oo that night to pick up both boys or I would be bringing them down to her office with all their belongings. The worker had sent someone within 2 hours. It really broke my heart to see that the same system that had removed these children to save them was letting their spirits die.But I could not sit by and watch , or even seeming to me help the system dump on these poor babies. The boys left and things seemed to start settling down again. We were getting back into a somewhat normal state. Then we got another call from a worker, another little baby, Tommy, he was just a sweet a could be. His parents were mentally unable to care for him. Mom and dad were both manic. We ended up meeting with the parents through visits and, yes they did have some mental issues. But they could be controlled with meds. In the mean time we had found out about Tommy’s Grandmother, a sweet older lady. We felt that she should have time with Tommy so we made arrangement to take Tommy to her house for visits. We even went out and picked her up to come to our home. Mom and Dad were invited to our home for Tommy’s birthday. They were very caring parents wanting to care for their son. They just sadly could not handle it. We had become a kind of go between for the parents and the agency, the parents felt very threatened. But seemed comfortable with us. Until on one visit the parents decided that they would just take Tommy out of the office and leave with him. I got a phone call stating the parents had kidnapped him. OH MY GOD! With in 2 hours I had a knock at my front door, it was dad, telling me that they had realized that it was the wrong thing to do. “Here was Tommy back where he belonged. Thank you.” Tommy stayed with us for about a year, Mom and Dad were going to sign Tommy over to us,we had descustd having an open adoption with them. but then an aunt from New York came forward and said that she would take him. I feel that the parents thought she would be a better scorce for them to stay in contact with. He left our home within weeks. Never to be heard of except in our hearts. Also on dad Mikes birthday, Tommy and him shared the same birth date. Life again seemed to calm down to a “normal” going on with daily life.
Until we got a phone call; they had a little baby 4 lbs. They couldn’t find a foster parent to take her in because of just a few things. She was black, heroin addicted mother and they thought she might be deaf and she may not be able to walk. Why are you waiting to bring her? Within hours she was at our house. OH MY GOD!! This baby was beautiful. She was so tiny she looked just like a little monkey, with a full head of curly black hair. What to do with her? Oh and by the way her mother abandoned her at the hospital without giving her a name. We could give her a temporary name. What would we name her? Something Godlike Faith, Joy, Angel? We were not sure. What I did know for sure was there was a black family who my older girls played with their girls, the father was a preacher. I took this tiny baby down to their house for what I called a prayer from a black man to the black part of God. As the preacher was praying for her hearing and her life he said in the same sentence.... FAITH,JOY. So that was her name Faith Joy. We would come to love this baby very much. Faith Joy was just the tiniest thing, it was hard to find diapers to fit. Not to mention clothes that would stay on her. Mom was nowhere to be found so we had all the openess to love this baby. We had even thought strongly about adopting her. It turned out that she had a cousin, of mom’s who wanted to take her into her home. She was a very wonderful woman, a single mom with 2 boys. I sent message for the woman to call me and we would talk for hours. I had even taken Faith over to the womans house and met her children and her. We would talk abut her boys and our Faith. We talked about God and all the important things that Faith need in her life. She felt the agency would frown on her being a single parent, So I called the worker and let her know how I felt. There could not be a better mommy for this baby. The worker agreed and Faith's mom said she would sign papers to allow the cousin to take Faith. When it came time to send Faith Joy off I pack all of her belongings, including her crib, seat, and highchair. We kept in contact for quite sometime, it turned out that Faith’s mom straightened out and let the cousin keep her. The most heart-grabbing thing was that the mother told her new mommy to keep her name Faith Joy. OH yeah, just an up date, Faith cannot only walk just fine she can also hear very well! The last time we saw her she was a jumping singing two year old, just as happy as could be. God knew where she belonged. So once again we settle in and become a “norm
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After Lisa moved out, things seemed to settle down a bit. We had David and Fawn. David’s family was stepping up and involving themselves in his life. The agency called again and asks us if we would consider taking in twin boys. Of course we said yes. Tommy and Vince were just as cute as could be; they were as different as night and day. Tommy was blond with blue eyes with a sweet calmer demeanor and Vince had darker hair with big black eyes, he was high strung. They were born with “FETAL ALCOHOL syndrome”. This is caused by the mother drank through her pregnancy. This was the first time we had ever heard of and seen for our own eyes something like this. These two boys were a handful. Vince was the more extreme of the two. He would go into shaking screaming raging fits, he would loose control at the drop of a hat. Tommy was as I said much calmer, more touchy, feely. You could hug and kiss him with no problem. I thought once again”Lord what have I gotten us into”? When I contacted the worker to have the boys evaluated she kept putting it off. The only relief she was seeming willing to give me was a 24-hour babysitter, “TO GIVE YOU A BREAK.” I did not need a break, these children needed help. We stuck in there as long as we could, until I finely told her that we could no longer keep the two boys together, they needed to be separated in order for Tommy to have a chance to thrive and flourish. The worker refused to even think about our proposal. I was left with no other choice but to call her after several attempts and tell her she had until 5:oo that night to pick up both boys or I would be bringing them down to her office with all their belongings. The worker had sent someone within 2 hours. It really broke my heart to see that the same system that had removed these children to save them was letting their spirits die.But I could not sit by and watch , or even seeming to me help the system dump on these poor babies. The boys left and things seemed to start settling down again. We were getting back into a somewhat normal state. Then we got another call from a worker, another little baby, Tommy, he was just a sweet a could be. His parents were mentally unable to care for him. Mom and dad were both manic. We ended up meeting with the parents through visits and, yes they did have some mental issues. But they could be controlled with meds. In the mean time we had found out about Tommy’s Grandmother, a sweet older lady. We felt that she should have time with Tommy so we made arrangement to take Tommy to her house for visits. We even went out and picked her up to come to our home. Mom and Dad were invited to our home for Tommy’s birthday. They were very caring parents wanting to care for their son. They just sadly could not handle it. We had become a kind of go between for the parents and the agency, the parents felt very threatened. But seemed comfortable with us. Until on one visit the parents decided that they would just take Tommy out of the office and leave with him. I got a phone call stating the parents had kidnapped him. OH MY GOD! With in 2 hours I had a knock at my front door, it was dad, telling me that they had realized that it was the wrong thing to do. “Here was Tommy back where he belonged. Thank you.” Tommy stayed with us for about a year, Mom and Dad were going to sign Tommy over to us,we had descustd having an open adoption with them. but then an aunt from New York came forward and said that she would take him. I feel that the parents thought she would be a better scorce for them to stay in contact with. He left our home within weeks. Never to be heard of except in our hearts. Also on dad Mikes birthday, Tommy and him shared the same birth date. Life again seemed to calm down to a “normal” going on with daily life.
Until we got a phone call; they had a little baby 4 lbs. They couldn’t find a foster parent to take her in because of just a few things. She was black, heroin addicted mother and they thought she might be deaf and she may not be able to walk. Why are you waiting to bring her? Within hours she was at our house. OH MY GOD!! This baby was beautiful. She was so tiny she looked just like a little monkey, with a full head of curly black hair. What to do with her? Oh and by the way her mother abandoned her at the hospital without giving her a name. We could give her a temporary name. What would we name her? Something Godlike Faith, Joy, Angel? We were not sure. What I did know for sure was there was a black family who my older girls played with their girls, the father was a preacher. I took this tiny baby down to their house for what I called a prayer from a black man to the black part of God. As the preacher was praying for her hearing and her life he said in the same sentence.... FAITH,JOY. So that was her name Faith Joy. We would come to love this baby very much. Faith Joy was just the tiniest thing, it was hard to find diapers to fit. Not to mention clothes that would stay on her. Mom was nowhere to be found so we had all the openess to love this baby. We had even thought strongly about adopting her. It turned out that she had a cousin, of mom’s who wanted to take her into her home. She was a very wonderful woman, a single mom with 2 boys. I sent message for the woman to call me and we would talk for hours. I had even taken Faith over to the womans house and met her children and her. We would talk abut her boys and our Faith. We talked about God and all the important things that Faith need in her life. She felt the agency would frown on her being a single parent, So I called the worker and let her know how I felt. There could not be a better mommy for this baby. The worker agreed and Faith's mom said she would sign papers to allow the cousin to take Faith. When it came time to send Faith Joy off I pack all of her belongings, including her crib, seat, and highchair. We kept in contact for quite sometime, it turned out that Faith’s mom straightened out and let the cousin keep her. The most heart-grabbing thing was that the mother told her new mommy to keep her name Faith Joy. OH yeah, just an up date, Faith cannot only walk just fine she can also hear very well! The last time we saw her she was a jumping singing two year old, just as happy as could be. God knew where she belonged. So once again we settle in and become a “norm
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Another court hearing for David came and it was time to ease David back into their home. Fawn and David had become very close, they were almost twins. What one didn't think of the other did. The comforted each other and played like siblings , very close siblings. He had been going to visit with dad at grandma's house.. A week had pasted and I got a phone call that the worker was supposed have moved David within 24 hours of the hearing date. We had to move him now. I then suggested that things would be going too fast for David, so what we did next was to reverse the visit arrangements. David would live with his family and come to our house for visits, until he was comfortable. We all thought this would be a good thing. Instead after each visit David would cry not to leave clinging onto Fawn and myself. Fawn would get upset that he was leaving also. So what I did next tore my heart out, but I knew that in order for these children and us to move ahead it had to be done. I call the worker and told them that David was not to be returned to our home for any more visits. He needed to stay with his family and adjust with them alone. That one was a hard decision, but I knew I had to do it. I had sent all the furniture he owned with us, I sent tons of pictures and his baby book. I wrote a note to him and his family and cut all ties.
Fawn’s case was going nuts mom had, had several boyfriends. Was still refusing to take any meds. Her father refusing to comply with anything the workers had for him to do. Little Mandy was falling through all the cracks and being overlooked. Things seemed to go from bad to worse. Then Fawns mom hooked up with another man who seemed to care for Mandy, He took care of her while mom was out causing trouble and doing what ever. Fawn was going for visits and suffering extreme reactions. She had to sleep in our bed could handle new people around her, we watched this poor baby trying to live in two completely different worlds. We hated it. I wrote many letters to judges and tried to get them to look at the case in more depth. We went to all the meetings voicing our concerns; nothing seemed to matter to this one worker. Then mom gets married to the new guy, she is pregnant again. It didn’t take long for this guy to leave the craziness either. So now we were left with a woman who refused to do anything that the courts told her to, she now has 1 child in her care because of a worker who chooses not to see reality and is going to bring yet another child into her messy life. By the time Fawn was 2 and1/2 she was in intense therapy. We were left with the task of watching this poor baby suffer from what the system seems to be calling “THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD.” I did what I felt I needed to do for Mandy, I sent all of Fawn’s old clothes and would send food for her. When ever we had to go to court hearings and meetings I would force myself not to make eye contact with Mandy. I knew that if I did I would be sucked in deeper than I was willing to go at the time. Then we were looking at Fawn being sent back to her mother. OH NO. GOD intervened; we were given a new worker! This worker saw things for what they really were. The mother had brought in yet another man to her life. Mom would come to hearings with bruises and black eyes. This new worker looked at Mandy and saw our concerns. Before too long she gave birth to the child she was carrying. It was yet another little girl. This one she named Sandy. The new worker got real deep in watching the family. Within 6 weeks the worker had documented several things that were happening, not good. She set up some meetings, ask us if we were will to take in Mandy and Sandy? The case plan would be changing to severance and adopt.PAGE 19 ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
WOOOW. What to do, I think it took us maybe a day to ask the older girls and ourselves if we wanted our family to grow to 5 kids for ever. GOD 5, girls! This would mean no trying for the boy we thought about. Would we do it? Could we do it? Mandy had been with her mother for 14 months, through a lot in that time. Sandy was only 6 weeks old, she was not given time to experience very much pain. YES WE WOULD!! It was set up that at the meeting that was set for the next couple days, we would bring 2 more car seats for the girls. When we leave we will become a family of 5 girls. Ages 12,10,2 and 1/2, 14months and 6 weeks. LORD WE ARE GOING TO NEED YOUR HELP EVEN MORE THAN BEFORE. The day of the meeting was very stressful, my anxiety was running high. We sat in a room away from sight of mom; they took Fawn into the room with her. This was going to evaluate just how much Fawn was bonded to her mother. Fawn wanted nothing to do with her, she just kept crying for mommy and daddy {us}. Her mother made the remark that she never wants to be with her, but at least Mandy did. After about a half hour the worker came out with Fawn, Mandy and Sandy, I took the baby Mike took hold of Fawn and another worker held Mandy. Into the elevator we scurried, my heart was beating so fast I could hardly breath. As we got to the car I looked back at the doors thinking, “ this is it there is no turning back”. We loaded all three girls into the car, Fawn just sat looking puzzled. When we finely got home after the longest ride from that office I’d ever ridden, we brought the girls into the house. Mandy was just starting to walk; she had blond hair and green eyes. Eyes that seemed to be empty of emotion, she just sat looking around taking in all of her new environment. Sandy was this little fat face very little, black hair and black eyes ball of joy. Mike had to run out to buy 2 new cribs we had gotten rid of all the ones we had, thinking that we were through with taking in babies. I carefully took off the girl’s clothes they came in and gave them baths. Fawn was having a great time playing with Mandy; she kept kissing and hugging her. Fawn seemed to be a little confused not knowing why the two sisters were now in her house. The big girls took to Sandy right away taking over with her care. Mandy was more standoffish with them. I noticed that she didn’t know how to do many simple things to interact with people. She didn’t know to lift up her arms to be picked up, walking from sidewalk to grass puzzled her, chewing even a banana gave her trouble. She seemed to just stare off into space a lot. In the mornings the 3 little girls would be eating breakfast, when one of Dawns friends would come in on her way to school. She would take time to talk to the girls while waiting for the others. After seeing that Mandy needed more one on one with me I dove into the challenge. She went everywhere with me never leaving my side for very long. I did notice something a couple strange things with Mandy, when daddy would change her diaper she would just lay still, when at bedtime she would stand in her bed screaming. I would go in to lay her back down and cover her up, she would throw herself back to her pillow and squeeze her eyes clinching her fists. What was this?
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Mandy couldn’t be held for very long, she would get fidgety and need to get down. Although she was warming up in other areas, she interacted with her sisters better and one morning when Dawns friend came in Mandy got so happy and yelled out her name! This was a very member able thing for all of us. Things seemed to be going along pretty smooth, other then on visit days. The 3 girls still had to go for visits with their mother. Now I would have # children fighting not to go with the worker. After visits Mandy started showing some big reactions in her behavior. She started waking in the middle of the night with night terrors. Great now we have another one, we had one child that could not sleep anywhere but in our bed and now another that couldn’t sleep through the night. We would later find out the extent of abuse that Mandy lived with. Then to top it all off the worker was taking the girls for visits at the very house where this all happened. NOT GOOD! Thank God once we figured this out visits switched to a park. They still had some reactions but not as bad. Sandy didn’t seem to be bother by the visits much at all, we figured she was still young. As the case went on and the girls got older the case plan finely switched into severance mode. This meant that the visits lessened to only once a month for only an hour. Their mother was still fighting with the workers about getting her children back, but they were filing all papers. Mom then met yet another man and became pregnant again. Fawns father was still refusing to do any of the tasks given him. Court hearings and meetings continued for what seemed to be forever. Mandy’s father was listed as a John Doe; Sandy’s father came back into the picture to finely decided that he could better serve his child by signing off on all his rights. Leaving the way for us to adopt her. After a year the visits stopped, Fawn was 3 ½, Mandy was 2, and Sandy was a year. It seemed that the case sat in limbo for a long time but at least the girls could become adjusted the being in our family. We ended up taking Fawn and Mandy to counseling; Fawn was suffering from what the doctor called P.T.S.D., which is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This is what the vets from Viet Nam suffered from. The condition stems from extreme stress. This was a rare yet noted disorder in small children. Mandy was having trouble with her attachment and bonding. Mike and I went to many classes to get some input on how to help, and try to turn things around. This went very slow. In this time we changed workers again, new ones seemed to drag their feet. Mom gave birth to her new baby, a boy. The workers contacted us and ask us if we would think about taking him into our home. We had to think about it a bit, but decided that we couldn’t take in all the children that this woman would be giving birth to. So we told them that No we would not take him. This was a hard and easy decision my heart was confused; yet I knew that it was for the best. A family in an adjoining city took him in. Finely after 5 years we were going to be going into court to sever the rights of mom and of Fawn’s father. We are finely on a roll to Completion ...WE THOUGHT! Just before the hearing date Fawn’s father decided that he had wanted his daughter. Just when we thought our fighting for these children was over, we found out it had just begun for Fawn. With the changing of so many caseworkers nobody seemed to know what they were doing. The one person who felt the incompetence of the system was Fawn. The new worker said that she had to go back to counseling to be informed about this other father she had, who wants her to come live with him for ever. SATAN CLIMBED OUT OF HELL! And right into our lives. Fawn would live the next 5 years in constant fear she would have to leave the only family she has ever known. They set up a couple visits with him and Fawn, one time he even brought along his 2-year-old son. The only response from Fawn to this man was “ I want you to let me stay with my mommy and daddy!” All of her trauma started all over again. This poor child lived each day one minute at a time. Through several more new workers, shuffling of papers, searching through file records, the attorney General found a new law that had been passed. This law stated that the time that had passed, that this father did not involve himself in this Childs life served as grounds for severance. It took a little more time and timing sent from God, but we finely got our severance. On Feb.18, 1999 we were in court finalizing our adoption of 3 beautiful little girls, who now were not so little. Fawn was then almost 10, Mandy was 9 and Sandy was 9. Our family was now complete. We could now go on with our lives.
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After the hearing we signed papers to quit being foster parents, we had, had enough. IN these last 5 years we did take in more children some of them were for short term some a little longer. We did what was called emergency receiving, which meant that the police bring the children to your house at all hours of the night. This was a sidetrack for the mess we were in with the girl’s case. Until the last baby we took in. Her name was Bridgett; she was 3 months when she came to us. She was born to an addicted mother and was what they called failure to thrive. I had to almost force her to eat; she was just a little stone sitting in her little chair. Bridgette became a part of our
Family pretty quick. Everyone just loved her. She was so tiny and so loveable. Her mother didn’t show up for visits for quite a while. Bridgette seemed to just flourish in our home. She became a part of our family, after a while her mother started to become involved with the case. She was showing interest in Bridgette, I had figured that the best thing for Bridgette, was for me to become a somewhat friend to mom. I would sit and talk to her about Bridgette and her [mom] life. I guess mom felt comfortable with me enough to inform me that she was pregnant again. Only this time the baby was not doing well, the doctors felt that the baby had some problems with the brain. The doctors were not sure if she would carry it full term. I had learned it was due to the drugs mom had been taking when she first got pregnant.
So, here I am once again I am put in a difficult position, ride it out and play blind, or bail out. Bridgette's worker wants out from underneath the case, at the staffing and review board everyone agreed that the visits were going too fast for Bridgette. She has one hour visit a week for one and a half years, now the worker moves into overdrive. She has had one four hour unsupervised visit and then a two hour. Now she wants to send her home for a weekend. The problem I see looking me in the face is. The reality of what happened to Fawn with visits accelerated. A potential for real shock to Bridgette, The worker is so eager to get rid of, this case is over looking the best interest of Bridgette. It seems she doesn't care. The choices I see that I have at this point are, telling her if she intends to over look Bridgette's emotional being. I'll pack her stuff now and they not need to return her, I will not help the system that has workers who think they are God to ruin another life. I don't feel emotionally I can handle another ordeal that Fawn went through. The more the visits go on at this fast pace Bridgette will need me to rescue her, this in turn will be having her bond even more to me. This will cause her more problems in the long run. I want out too but am I as willing to over look Bridgette's well being? If so I choose to bail out sooner then they want me to. I have family to look after; they are bonded to Bridgette just as I am. The longer she is here the more bonded they all become. The longer she is here with the reactions she will likely have will only disrupt them all. Maybe even set off Fawns past, and I, we don't need that. What we decided to do was; at the next scheduled meeting Mike and I both told the worker that Bridgette had to go home with her mother that day.
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Not to return, we were tired of the mess they were putting Bridgette in so we bowed out. We left the office that day empty arms and empty heart, praying that God would take extra special care of Bridgette.
After Bridgette went home we seateled into our little family for a period of time we didn’t take in any more children. It seemed to take a while for the hurt of the system to leave. Then we {I} decided that it was time to help out some more children. Some of these babies and children were staying on short term. Kind of like a safe place to stay until the system figured out what they were going to do with the case. Some of the children were, Tyler, a 4 lb. Baby boy. His mother was mentally unstable; she didn’t know how to care for her baby. He was not drug addicted, and there was no alcohol abuse of the mother. This baby had heart problems though. I got the call and went to children’s hosp. To pick him up from our home. The car seat I took was a infant seat, yet very much too big for him. The nurses and I had to pack him in the seat with blankets, in order for him to fit safely. When I saw that he was wearing a apnea monitor I questioned myself. Could I care for this baby? The nurses at the hosp. gave me a short up date on all the monitor. We had, had a friend whose baby had heart surgery, and I was familiar with the process. So off we go, bringing this baby home. Tiny as could be, He had more wires hooked up to him than my V.C.R. It took a while to get use to the thing going off at all hours of the night for no reason, but we all adjusted. Tyler went for visits with his mom at an office close by. So I volunteered to supervise them. She was a very young mom who had, had no training. The people around her just assumed that she couldn’t care for him at all. She felt comfortable with me, so I taught her how to hold and feel him. He was in our home a short while, and then went with mom into a group home to be care for together. It took a long while not to jump whenever we heard a peeping sound, thinking it was Tyler’s heart stopping again.
We had a little girl come in who had been left with a man while her mom went off to where ever. The mom didn’t show up when expected so C.P.S. was called in. She had a high fever and cried a lot. We had no idea what kind of formula she was on so we guessed. Heather, [Renee] we weren’t sure, was about 6 months old. I took her to the doctor. She had a bad ear infection. She was only with us less then a week. They found her mom and sent her home.
PAGE I FORGOT AGAIN SORRY,,,,,
We got a phone call one night from the agency about a little boy about 6. His mom had been picked up for shoplifting’ She was going to jail. They couldn’t find family for her. So he came in the middle of the night, a little Mexican boy, he spoke English well. We ate a snack and went to bed. The next afternoon I had a knock on my door, I opened it and there was Hectors mom. She wanted her son. When I tried to explain to her the system didn’t work that way she had no idea what I was saying. Hector had to translate to her in Spanish. I called the police and then the worker. All worked out she left and that afternoon the worker came and got him. Boy did the Police station who brought him hear from me. They had given the mom my address not knowing, or caring to find out I was not family.
We had a little Indian boy whose parents had been arrested for sleeping on someone’s lawn. Kenny stayed with us for a while until the workers sent him to the reservation with family. We had another little boy who had been in a shelter for too long, and too many times looking to find the right foster home. He was 6 and very hyperactive. He went to school here in the neighborhood, after moving in with us. We tried very hard to help him, to make him fit in. Fawn, Mandy and Sandi were still young. I think Sandy was just about two at the time. Behavior problems finely sent him onto another family. He was hurting the little girls and upsetting everything. He had a lot of behavior like the first Mandy we had. I noticed it and thank God had learned something from it. We had a little girl named Katy; she was a doll, very loud when she screamed but a doll. She was around the same age as Sandy 18 mons. -2 years. They had a blast together. She came to us because of a bad boyfriend of mom’s. Mom refused to leave him so they took Katy. She stayed with us only a few months. Mom wised up and decided that Katy was more important.
We had a little black girl, named Anastasia who was Fawns age about 5 or 6. She was living in a “FOST.ADOPT” home whose mom needed a break for a week. That poor little girl was a mess, her hair was premed to the point that it was breaking off and her ears had not had earrings in them for too long, they were starting to grow closed. We fixed her hair as best as we could and bought her some new earrings just like Fawns. The two girls just had a blast. With in 2 days I called her worker and explained to her the child’s condition, and the things she had been telling us. The worker then came out and checked her out, concluding that she couldn’t be put back in that home. She asked us if we would consider adopting her. She needed a permeate, loving home. We thought hard about it, but decided that we just couldn’t do it. She stayed with us just long enough for them to find her another placement.
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WHAT IS THE UP SIDE OF FOSTER PARENTING?
Everyone has a personal need in his or her lives. For me it was, I needed to be needed. I felt that I needed to help all the children who were being abused in their homes by their parents. I was going to be the one home that took in the most and fix the worst. I was going to have my home be the safe place in these children’s memories after they grew up. I would be the person that they could count on to bring them joy when they had none, or little. I was going to give to others, what I felt I was given by God abundances of. I feel and pray that I have done just that. Although I went into foster parenting blind to the real world of politics and how they do not work, I am great full for doing it. I thank God for the lessons that He has taught me. I am also grateful for my husband and children, who I drug into the whole mess.
WHAT IS THE DOWN SIDE OF FOSTER PARENTING?
Foster parenting can be very stressful. It can pull apart everything you worked so hard to put together. The heartbreak of the system these children have to be in is at times unbearable. The system is supposed to be to protect and seek the best interest of the children. In many cases it looks out for the parent who by their actions got these children into in the first place. The laws are set up in such a way that the parents have more rights then the kids. The parents get to have too many chances to regain their children; they are allowed to make mistake after mistake. The people in the system are so intent on covering their own butts that they forget about the children. The parents are supposed to follow a scheduled list of tasks, in reality they can stretch out these tasks for a two-year period of time, even longer in some cases. For example some of the parents have drug problems, they are set up to take drug testing. They can go for a period of months with out going for these tests and still visit their children. I have had many of these cases in my parenting time.
WHAT IS THE EFFECT ON YOUR OWN BLOOD CHILDREN?
Well let me tell you, there is a great debate in our household. The debate is for good and bad, and it is in everybody involved. I have watched our own 2 girls grow for the good from foster parenting and I have watched them suffer for the bad. They, I feel learned a great deal about the real rough life that is outside their home. They hurt for the children just as bad as we did. They learned how to care for babies from all different walks of life. They learned how to love unconditionally. With the wide range of babies they had to live with, they were able to feel both love for them and at the same time, not like them very much. When they got up in their teen years they said that all the extra children in our home took away from them. Our time and love, was being spread among all of the other children, for them, at that time of their lives was a hard thing to handle. Now that they are young adults, they tell me that they loved being involved with all the children. They have expressed how lucky they were growing up in such a family. Yes it was hard to understand at the time, but they wouldn’t take it back for anything. I believe that our birth children have become better young people because of our foster parenting. I treasure them for all the help they did during the hard times of crazy life. They, being the people they were and are, we were able to enjoy the good parts.
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WHEN IT COMES TIME FOR A CHILD TO RETURN
This can be the most difficult time in foster parenting. The child has usually been living with you for approx. 18 months. The older children are easier to let go of from my view. It's the babies that rip out your hearts. You have cared for this baby from the worst point in their lives; they usually come into your home looking for the most point like a rag doll. You watch them blossom into a real kid. You have changed all the diapers; you have wiped all the runny noses. You have brought them through the colds and the teething. You have watched and help them learn to crawl then walk. They spoke their first words to you, and they probably were MOMMY and DADDY. They have spent the majority of their lives in your home being a part of your family; they have visited their birth parents probably one to two hours a week, that is the only time they have spent with them. This time was spent in an office playroom; the parents were probably fighting with the caseworkers the whole hour they were to spend with their baby. The child has not really had the opportunity to bond with them. For the most part the parents don't really know how to bond with the child. The child can have some pretty scary memories of these visits. They sometimes have bad reactions from visiting their parents. Nightmares, diarrhea, fevers, clinging to the foster parents when they return from the visit. If you have a good worker they will take note of what is happening, and make some changes in the visits. Such as talking with the parents and explaining to them what the child is going through. The worker then can remove her self from the visit time for the most part; she can just pop in and check on the parents. This will remove the conflict between them and the parents, resulting with the parents giving the child more attention. (Without the stress) If the parents have been doing the tasks given to them and they seem to be doing pretty good, the worker can give them more visits, such as two visits a week. Then they can ease the visits into the parent’s home. (If parents are complying) This will give the child a better opportunity to bond with the parents they will go back with.
Some times the child hasn't had the chance to bond, so it is more difficult to return. This can be repaired. The child needs to feel it ok with the foster parents to go see the birth parents. If at all possible the foster parents need to interact with the birth parents. This will be extremely hard on the foster parents emotionally, but it is the best for the child. The first overnight visit will be the worst, the foster parents will probably think of all the worst things that could happen the child that they have kept alive for the last year and a half. This is where faith helps allot. When the child comes home it will probably be having even worse reactions. This is to be expected. It will get better.
The thing the foster parent needs to remember is that they took in this child knowing that it was temporary. They didn't know they would fall in love with the child. The thing to keep in mind is when this child goes home it will be time to take in another child who looks like a rag doll and needs their love and care. They will never forget the child they have sent home. This child will forever be in the hearts of the people who loved and cared for it.
WHAT IS THE EMOTIONAL PROCESS OF FOSTER PARENTING
When you get the phone call from your worker about a child who needs to come into your home, you get a sudden rush of adrenalin. You start thinking of the possibilities of what this child will look like, how big will it be, what will the emotional state of this child be like. Just what has this child gone through. You start to figure out what clothes you will need, where will the child sleep, what will the child be eating. If it is a baby you will have many questions. Diaper size, pj size what will you run out and but that night to get you through the next week or so. You try and prepare for the child to get to your home. Some times you have to wait for the child’s worker to call you about when they can bring the child to your home. You call your husband at work and alert him to what he will come home to; the children are all excited about the new arrival. When the child gets to your home it is real strange the feeling that take place. The first thing you do is change it's diaper and evaluate the clothing. The worker explains to you the visit schedule for the parents. She may also inform you a little more about the child’s past and what has brought them into the system. Everyone seems to want to hold the child and look it over like a new toy. The first half hour seems like two minutes long. After the worker leaves you sit and relax with the child to try and make eye contact with them. At this point the child can have chosen a favorite person he prefers to be held by. You sit back and imagine what could be going through this child’s mind. "Where am I and how long will I am here for?” The rush you get from a new child coming into your home can sometimes have a similar effect of an addiction high. It's a thrill you can only come to terms with when it has been a while between new children, then you get that call. Everything the first night after the child arrives is chaotic. The next morning things seem to settle in. Then it's time to set back and watch what this child does and can do.
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THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BABY AND AN OLDER CHILD
A baby has it's own array of newness, you have to figure out what it likes and dies likes, at first. With a baby in your home it is real easy to treat it as your own. Depending on the age of the baby, it doesn't have a long history of abuse or neglect. At this age, before the age of two. It is pretty easy to turn around the first part of its life. These young children repair easy.
With an older child they usually have a whole baggage of troubled times they bring into your home. They have already gotten use to reacting to many different things that have been happening to them in their lives. Mom rages, you go hide. Boy friend comes over; you find somewhere else to go. They pretty much have learned that they are not wanted much. They learned at a very early age to do things for their selves. Their impression of people is usually not very loving, so they stay at a distance. They don't understand what is happening to them, and why they were taken away from the only people they know. Sometime they know just what is happening and are mad at the fact that they have to leave any friends they were able to make where they were. They generally are very quiet and just shuffle around following your lead, where they will sleep, the school they will attend, and the different children in the home and how they fit there. They are pretty overwhelmed but the newness of your home and the things you tell them that will change in their lives from now until they leave. And they want to leave now. Come bedtime you will see two types of children. One type will scream for their parents, the others will willingly go to bed and be sure not to cause any trouble. Come the next morning things seem to relax a little. After the shock wears off then you start to see a very people-pleasing child. This does not last forever. You usually have this period called the HONEYMOON STAGE, for about three weeks. After this point you may start to see a very rebellious child. They think " if I get into enough trouble they will send me back to mom." They don't understand it is not them who are the reason why they are in foster care. The difference between the ages is, my opinion. The younger the children you deal with the parents not being willing. The older children you deal with the greater needs of their problems. I personally don't deal with the older children well. I would rather love and nurture the babies.
HERE IS THE LAST,,,,,,,,,,,,,
THE LAST OF WHAT I HAVE ON PAPER AT THIS TIME. I have seen that I really have soooo much more to add. I ahve been remembering more things as I read and copy this. It is now time to go back and do fill ins, who knows maybe (not holding my breath) someday it will really be in paperback. NOT!! OK well thanks Kim for reading this. I have enjoyed your input and your sweet words in reply to my writings. hre is the ending that I have so far, it was written back about what 3 ro 4 years ago, maybe more I am not doing the math. ,,,,,,,,,,,,
Well here I am after 5 years of being out of the foster care system. What do I feel about the system today? It does not work. It hurts too many people; it lets too many children slip through the cracks. Someone needs to come in and redo the whole thing. The number one problem is money… Everything comes down to money, never enough of it. They need to reevaluate all the workers, why so they work in this field? They need to hire three times the workers they currently have. The state needs to revamp the guidelines to be followed, so that everyone follows the same guidelines to the tee. There needs to be BLACK AND WHITE NO GRAY areas for some workers to let things slide. These THINGS happen to be children.
A call comes in of concern for a child. The police need to check on the child for extreme danger.
Within 12 hours an emergency worker checks on the child. If the child is in emeteate danger according to checklist made up. The child is emeatly removed. Placed in emergency home.
The case is then forwarded to an incoming worker. This worker prepares the case to go to court with in the allotted time of 72 hours. The worker will have the case plan determined and assess the child’s well being, what the parents need to do to get child returned to them.
At this time it will be determined if it is safe for the child to visit the parent[s].
At this time the case is transferred to an on going worker. There will be a list of tasks to be completed by the parent[s]. They will not go to the next task until the first is done. A] Meet with intake worker.
B] Show up in court.
C] Go for drug testing.
D] Start parenting classes.
E] Get a job.
F] Clean up your life
G] Choose your child before any other person.
The parent has 6 months to complete these tasks, if not done case plan turns to severance and adoption.
At this time regular visits will increase.
If parent complies with system the child[ren] should be back in their custody with in 1 year. Only very carefully examined cases should get 1, 6-month extension.
The state should have the following aids available..
Monies set up for housing.
Job resource available.
Counseling available.
People to train with living life.
A mentor for the parents to lean on for help.(a positive friend).,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
IF YOU MADE IT TO THEIS SPOT I THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, MY GIRLS ARE NOW 19,17 AND 16 DOING GREAT, thank you again. Fawn's bio dad has just contacted her through her myspace ,, he is too pushy and is creaping her out. She is a very strong young woman and has come out of this very well. Amanda we are still having trouble with but she will do fine out in the world. She plans to move out as soon as she turns 18. Sandy is still the sweetest and funny happy kid and is doing well. Thank you for reading there is so much missing and one day I will add it all in. Little Michael is goign to be a daddy and has come back into our lives... He is doing great.
ANOTHER UPDATE,,,,,,
It is now Oct. 2011 many things have happened through the time I last left a post.
Mark and Mandy's adoptive mom contacted me through facebook. Was I once their fostermom,, my heart raced and I cried! YES I WAS THE ONE... Turns out Mark ended up back in my life for a hsort time, him and Fawn hit it off from the start. He is a fine young man I also got to talk with Mandy and she is doing great also. Diana contacted me and is a lovley young woman she and Mandy both have read this and thank me for writing it. They all 3 have children and families of their own. I THANK GOD for bringing them back into my life to be able to see they are doing so well. I also have news on my three girls. When Sandy turned 18 she started wondering and questioning about their bio older brothers.Fawn had always longed to know them so we sifted through the papers that i kept and nothing came out. Then about a year and a half ago Sandy came again and we sifted through them again,, I FOUND the name of the boys adoptive parents,, we jumped on facebook and found them. The boys and my girls hit it off right away so happy to find eachohter. WELL this past month the boys drove out here to visit and meet the girls. The boys are now young adults as they are older then my girls. They live in Cali still had a great life and are very happy. When they were here I was able to go through all the papers I had saved and found so much about them and their bio mother and father in those reports. They never knew any of it. I made copies for htem both and handed it to them. I have learned that there is a total of 11 children their mother gave birth to,, none of htem are with her. The last baby is only 5 so it will take another 13 years until they are able to connect with everyone. I only hope I am still alive when that happens. My girls are now ages Fawn 22, Amanda 21 and Sandy 20. They are doing great the younger two are in college and Fawn is a working girl getting through life as best she can. BUT IS A GREAT kid trying to find where her place is in this life.
Mike and I divorced 2 years ago and I believe that set something in Fawn to interrupt her life but she will find where she belongs in due time.. thank you for reading. MY birth girls are doing great I am now a Grama to a 3 year old baby girl Amy is a mommy THAT is such a GOD blessing I love being a Grama.
About Me
- JUST A MOM
- ME? I have 5 beautiful, strong, grown daughters and 6 beautiful Grandbabies. I grew up in Michigan, moved to Arizona 28 years ago. The only thing that keeps me here now, are my girls. ONE DAY I will go back home where the dirt feels RIGHT. I am a mom, divorced after 30 years of marriage. I am not a hurt left in the pit of hell, divorced woman, who needs to be repaired thank you. I am learning just how strong I have been all along and liking it. I take life a day at a time, making the best of whatever God hands me. So it is onward and upward for me. Come along for the ride. I AM READY TO SEE WHAT LIFE HAS TO OFFER ME. UPDATE: I now have within 8 months sold my home in Arizona and bought a beautiful 1920 built house in my home town. Life is all new for me and I am ready to live the rest of my life in the fairy tail I have always dreamed of.